Redux
by Michele Grahn
Summary: Elliot POV for now. Elliot goes to see Olivia after the events of Closet, and gets way more than he bargained for.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing, I would LIKE to own a certain broody detective, alas, not so.

* * *

He wasn't jealous. That definitely wasn't it. He was happy for her. Of course he was happy for her. Why shouldn't he be? He was married and he had a brand new baby. Neither of which would be around if it weren't for her. So she had every right to go find some happiness of her own.

He wasn't feeling hurt either. Marines don't feel hurt. Why should he feel hurt anyway? Just because she had hidden such a big part of her life from him, intentionally? It wasn't like she had found another potentially felonious brother somewhere. She never hesitated to tell him about her boyfriends in the past. Sometimes she had downright flaunted them in his face. So it wasn't a big deal right?

What he was, though, was curious. Why keep it a secret? Why this Kurt guy? Why was he so special that she didn't want to share him? And WHAT kind of a name is Kurt, anyway? His whole life he had only ever known of one other Kurt, and he was a singing Von Trapp. He knew he was being a little bit childish but he couldn't seem to help it.

He had been absolutely ready to tear 'the paperboy' as IAB Tucker had so aptly put it, limb from limb in order to get him to clear Olivia's name. He found it humorous that no one at the station questioned his reaction to the news of Olivia's bed buddy. Not even Cragen tried to stop him from going and intervening in her private life, which was, in essence, none of his business. He thought that spoke volumes about people's perception of his relationship with her.

The more he thought about this situation though, the more some things made sense to him. He expected her to tell him about everything in her life, including her boyfriends, meanwhile, she had to find out his wife was divorcing him from a bitchy lawyer who accused him of sexually harassing a victim. Not that he thought she kept her relationship a secret in retaliation. But he did see why she may not have felt overly obligated to inform him.

Maybe if he thought she had acted out of spite it would have stung a bit less. But this was something else, this was indifference. He couldn't say that he was surprised. He was always so wrapped up in his own life that he hardly ever took the time out to check in with her, to notice what was going on in her life. A year ago she wouldn't even have had to say anything, he would have known she was with some just by her smile, her demeanor, now he has to have some jackass from IAB scream it to the whole squad room for him to get it. How had he let them start to grow apart?

Her behavior from about a week ago was making sense, too. No wonder she didn't need to talk to him after getting out of Sealview, she had someone else to go home to. That one had stung a bit. Not that the two of them were great at sharing their feelings. But it could never be said that weren't there for each other in times of need. And when she had someone else to serve that function, he was back to being simply her partner. Well, not simply.

Not that it mattered. Not that any of this mattered. She wasn't seeing him anymore. She probably broke his little old heart. Just as well, though. He wasn't nearly good enough for her. And, anyway, what did one person do with all of those chins?

This is what he found himself wondering as he sat on the steps outside Olivia's building at 3:30 in the morning. He had sent her a text message about ten minutes ago asking her to meet him down here. He really hoped that she wasn't up there making up with Kurt or else this could be potentially embarrassing.

He heard the door creak open behind him but he didn't turn as she silently slipped outside and sat down next to him on the steps. When he turned to look at her she had a look of general confusion mixed with what he could have sworn was… venom? What the Hell?

"What?" he asked, genuinely confused

"You didn't bring coffee?" It was a bitter half question half statement

He was slightly baffled.

"You keep saying that you don't drink-"

"It's the principle of the thing, Elliot" she interrupted, "You wake a person up, you have the decency to bring coffee. And besides, you saw me drinking coffee today, RIGHT in front of you. I mean, I know you have a lot on your mind but you think you'd notice what was right in front of your face."

Elliot knew this was going in a bad direction, and fast. He latched on to what she said and tried to change the direction of the conversation.

"You were sleeping?" He found it doubtful that she would be sleeping when normally a case would haunt her thoughts well into the morning. And with Lincoln Haver's life and career officially destroyed, he knew damn well she wouldn't resign herself to something as trivial as sleep when she could beat herself up over the case for at least the rest of the week.

"… Not the point. I brought _you_ coffee."

There was a pregnant pause and Elliot knew she wasn't really upset about the lack of caffeine in this visit but he wanted this to go smoothly. He stuck his hand into his jacket pocket and pulled out the small bag of Teddy Grahams that he had accidentally gotten out of the vending machine earlier while trying for Doritos. He held them out in a weak peace offering.

"I have Teddy Grahams." he said hopefully

She didn't break the staring contest she was having with her shoes but her lips did twitch up in an involuntary smile.

"Elliot, if those aren't chocolate, turn around and go home now."

He laughed and tossed them in her direction. She ripped open the bag and went at the tiny bears with surprising enthusiasm. After a moment, he spoke again.

"So, if you were awake, what took you so long to get down here?" He asked

"Well" she answered, as a poor bear met its demise by decapitation, "I didn't think you would want me to come down here in my nightie so I had to get dressed."

Elliot nearly choked. It was good thing he didn't bring coffee. Guaranteed it would be all over him right now. How was he supposed to respond to that? _Actually, I wouldn't have minded at all. I may even prefer it. Why don't you go back up and change back, I'll wait here, scratch that, I'll come with you. _Yea, nice, Stabler. That's exactly what you should say if you want a slap and a new partner.

Olivia let out a short laugh next to him and he shot her a quick glance, for a second paranoid, thinking he had spoken his thoughts aloud.

"Also, I had serious middle of the night breath and I had to brush my teeth." She admitted

Elliott breathed out a chuckle.

"You know Liv, I wouldn't stop liking you because you had a little bad breath… I may sit a little further away though."

"Good to know Stabler."

They were silent while Olivia finished her snack.

"I can't believe you didn't offer me a single one of those." Elliot teased

"Hey, you came here with no coffee and have yet to tell me why I'm sitting here at a quarter to four in the morning. You should have brought enough for everybody." She replied in typical Olivia fashion She paused, and added delicately "So, why are you here?"

"Well, you know I told you that I would be here for you. So I'm just making sure that you are as fine as you claim to be." He told her honestly

"El, I appreciate your concern, but you fulfilled your friend obligation earlier at the bar. Really, I'm fine."

"Liv-"

She waved her hand dismissively.

"Look, Elliot, I'm not going to lie and say that I wasn't a little upset. But it's not the end of the world."

"Liv, you two… I mean, he seemed so, I don't know, not…" He struggled with the words he was trying to say to her

She saved him from the question she knew he wanted to ask her.

"Why was I with Kurt?" she posed the question quietly

He nodded, his brows furrowed in his signature expression. She smiled sadly as she as she considered her response. She thought about lying and telling him some generic answer. But when she looked at him, she knew he was trying to really genuinely be there for her, and not just in a partnerly sort of way. As her best friend. He hadn't been the easiest person to confide in recently, but he was making the effort now. She figured she could repay him in kind.

"It seems silly now, but I figured that I would be a better candidate for adoption if I had a stable personal life. And, Kurt is a good guy, he has a good job, and he cared about me. I just thought, I don't know. I don't know what I was thinking. I don't really want to talk about it."

Elliot couldn't believe it. Not really. He knew Olivia wanted a child but he hadn't known what she was willing to do in order to attain that wish. He had no idea what to say. He was expecting her to say that was dating him because she was lonely, even maybe – that she ACTUALLY liked the guy. But this came out of left field and hit him square in the chest.

"Olivia, you don't need to-"

"El, I really, really don't want to talk about it anymore. But I do appreciate your being here."

Elliot nodded and shifted a bit closer next to her. He reached out and rubbed the back of her neck gently in his silent show of support. She dropped her head forward in acceptance of his gesture and gave a short humorless laugh.

"God, I'm so tired."

"Why aren't you sleeping, Liv? He asked as he dropped his hand from her neck "Is it because of this Kurt guy?"

She shook her head slowly and began chewing on her lip, a nervous habit she had managed to pick up over the years from her partner.

"Is this about Harris?" he asked, his voice dropping, knowing this was dangerous territory.

He saw her whole body tense up and her eyes darting quickly to meet his, and just as quickly shot away, not resting on anything for longer than a moment. As if only the mention of him made her ready to bolt. He didn't know what had gone down exactly in that prison, Fin said Olivia would have to tell him, but he had gathered from Olivia's condition afterwards that he'd done a real number on her.

"I can't do this." She said suddenly as she stood up and began to dash up the stairs.

Elliot's confusion only lasted a moment before he stood and reached for her hand and stopped her flight. Standing two stairs below her, and under the light from the building above them, he could clearly see the misty sheen of tears in her eyes. She was actively trying to hide them by widening her eyes and looking away. She was making up some excuse that it was late and they both had work in the morning.

"Olivia, please. Talk to me. Whatever you need, I, I'll…" he trailed off, not knowing what to say in order to get her not to run away from him.

She took a deep breath and glanced down and his hand, which was still wrapped firmly around her fingers. She breathed again. And again. Elliot thought that she was going to tell him to get lost. But finally she looked down at him and gripped his fingers back just a bit.

"Not out here."

She pulled on his hand gently and led him inside. She released his fingers once they were in the building and Elliot found that he was slightly disappointed, but pushed away any thoughts of touching her again. She needed him to be there for her right now. The least he could do was not act like a hormonal teenager.

When they reached her apartment she offered him something to drink and when he declined she mutely nodded and dropped onto the couch, waiting for him to do the same. When they were both situated she began to speak, with no pretense, and without ever lifting her eyes from the worn edges of her sofa cushions.

"He was going to rape me. If Fin hadn't gotten there in time, he would have done exactly what he'd done to who knows how many other women. And there was nothing I could do."

* * *

TBC

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

Redux: Chapter 2

* * *

"When I saw the mattress, I didn't know what to do. I panicked. The only thing I could think about was getting away from him."

Olivia took a deep breath. Elliot didn't move on the couch. He was afraid that if he called attention to himself at all she would snap out of the trance she'd been in while speaking for the past few minutes and shut down again.

"He took the cuffs off me. I couldn't believe he was that stupid. But, I hit him, as soon as he got one off, I hit him. And I ran. I ran, and I hid. I was hiding like a damn child." She brought her hand up to drag across her forehead in a move that seemed to be equal parts frustration and exhaustion.

Elliot forgot he was trying not to interrupt her and he broke into her reverie.

"Liv, you were trying to protect yourself, you can't honestly think-"

"It was my mother." She cut him off, in a voice that was hardly above a whisper.

He paused. "What was?" he asked, not quite sure where she was going with this.

"The whole time I was down there, I heard my mother's voice on that tape when she made her report, over and over again in my head. I couldn't think about anything else except getting away so that wouldn't be me. I couldn't become my mother." She paused trying to gain control of the waiver in her voice and the tears that she somehow hadn't noticed taken up residence in her eyes.

"I've taken down bigger guys than him before. I had the upper hand on him, twice. Twice Elliot. But I didn't even try. I ran away. What kind of a cop am I? I was there to get this guy. I had my evidence, I had the opportunity, and I, I ran." She swiped angrily at the tears that were trying to escape her lashes.

Elliot could see how she was upset over this. He couldn't understand how she could see herself as weak after all she put herself through for the good of others. He searched for the words to express this to her.

"Liv, you can't be a cop all the time. In that situation you were a person, faced with your worst fear and you survived. No one can ask for more than that."

She just shook her head like what he was saying was of no consequence. She spoke again in that half whispered voice that made him nervous.

"I only got out of there because Fin stopped him in time. He would have killed me. Because I would have bitten him."

Elliot froze. Bit him? He missed a step. He must have. What was she talking about?

"Olivia?"

She slowly raised her eyes to meet his. She opened her mouth a few times only to shut it again. Clearly she was having trouble saying whatever it was and Elliot was becoming nauseas.

"Olivia, please." He rasped "Tell me what he did."

They stared at one another for what seemed like an eternity before she started to speak. She told him in a steady, nearly detached voice, all about how she got away from him, only to find herself trapped in the basement. She told him about how he caught up to her, hit her, and cuffed her to the door. He saw her hands begin to shake and he heard her voice begin to halt just a bit.

"He told me that if I bit him, that he would kill me. And that's when I knew that I was going to die there. Because there was no way I -" Her words gave way to the tears she had been trying for over a week to hold back.

Elliot was sure he was going to burst. He couldn't believe he had been in such close proximity to someone who had done this to his partner, his best friend and he hadn't known. He would have torn the piece of shit limb from limb without a thought. He was fighting the impulse to take the drive out to Rikers and kick the crap out of Harris now as it was. But he saw Olivia in front of him and he knew any damage he could inflict on the dirt bag would only help him, and not Olivia.

He wanted to touch her. He knew that much. He knew that she needed him in a way that she hadn't before. All he wanted was to pull her into his arms and hold her tight until she stopped crying, until she was his strong Liv again. But given the circumstance, he was afraid to reach out and even hold her hand.

He bit his lip and kept his eyes firmly on her shaking body. He slowly reached out and brushed his fingertips across the back of her hand. His stomach dropped when she flinched like he was a stranger. It seemed to make her more upset, knowing she was acting like this. Elliot regrouped. Something had to be done, he couldn't let her go on thinking that she was alone.

He reached out again and this time more firmly grasped her hand. He brought it to rest on his knee where he softly cradled it with his other hand. After a few minutes she sniffed quietly. She was beginning to calm down a bit. He could also see that she was becoming embarrassed for some reason. Her eyes were darting around the room and her fingers were flexing slightly in his.

"El, I can't…" she stopped and took in a deep breath, probably trying to figure out how she was going to explain away her moment of weakness.

"Olivia, I'm your partner, you don't always have to be tough in front of me. Just, let me… just let me be here, for you, for once." He pursed his lips and waited for her to jump up and start in with some excuses again about an early morning, and kick him out. To his surprise, she just stared at him and squinted just a bit in that way he loved before he felt her hand squeeze his just once.

He gently tugged her hand until she was flush against his side, she pulled her feet up under her, she appeared relaxed but he could feel her entire body was still tense.

"Liv," he said quietly "I'm not going to hurt you."

"God Elliot, I know that." She dropped her head back against the couch. "I just, he's in my head. I'm sorry." She replied dejectedly, as if she had disappointed him somehow.

"No, listen, you have nothing to be sorry for. You didn't do anything wrong." Elliot looked down at their fingers, still entwined and gave hers a gentle squeeze, both amazed and grateful she hadn't pulled away yet. "I just want you to know that, I'll do, if you need anything, I know I haven't…" he trailed

"Elliot, I know." Olivia interrupted, mercifully saving him from the 'I'm here for you now, even though you had no reason to think I would be' speech he was about to stumble through. "Thank you."

They were quiet for a little while longer. The silence between them was speaking all the words of reassurance and acceptance that were needed. It was a language they had learned over the years working together. Who needs something as petty as words to communicate when you can say nothing at all and have the one person you need to say everything to, understand completely?

Surprise didn't quite cover it when Elliot felt a light weight slide onto his shoulder. He glanced sideways and saw that Olivia had fallen asleep and her head had rolled from the back of the couch, just touching his shoulder. He was glad she had relaxed enough to succumb to the exhaustion of the past weeks. He couldn't imagine how the paltry amount of sleep she had been allowing herself had gotten her through her days.

Elliot remained motionless. He didn't want to disturb her until he was sure she was not going to wake up. He couldn't see her face but he could see a small bit of hair moving with each breath. He rested his head along the back of the couch as well and let his mind wander. It was more a stream of consciousness than an actual coherent thought process, but given the hour and circumstances, he was surprised he was still functioning at all.

'I can't believe this happened. Why didn't she tell me sooner? Because I'm an asshole, obviously. How fast can I get to Rikers? God her hair smells good. Jeez why am I such a pervert? Could I have gotten there faster than Fin? I wonder if she still talks to Simon. This is why we should never go undercover. Not for the state and not for the damn FBI. Never ends well. I wonder if she still talks to Porter.'

He stopped himself there. He didn't want to even think about Porter if he didn't have to. He thought he had Olivia with his fancy badge and his full head of hair. Well think again G-Man.

Elliot looked down at the top of Olivia's head. He had to suppress the urge to pull her onto him and stay the night with her on the couch. He slowly sat up and placed his hand under her head. He stood up and looped one arm under her knees. He now had her legs up and stretched out next to her and had the side of her face in his palm. He would have liked to take the time to appreciate the moment but if she woke up there was a good chance she would slug him right there for being this close. So he got her flat on the couch with her head on a small pillow and pulled the blanket from behind her. He gently laid it over her and stepped back. The only noise she made through the whole process was small moans or groans, he couldn't make it out, but she never stirred.

He looked around and spotted her cell phone on the kitchen counter. He grabbed it and quickly set an alarm so she could get up in enough time for work. As much as she had gone through this evening, she would still raise hell if it meant being late for work. He placed the phone on the coffee table within arms reach and went in search of paper. He found a Post-it pad, and tore off a page. He wanted to write something eloquent and witty for her to find, something that conveyed how much her confiding in him meant to him. But, being who he was, nothing came to mind. All he could come up with was:

_See you at work, _

_I'll bring the coffee_

_-El_

He was going to stick it to her refrigerator but then he thought better of it. He stuck it right on top of her key ring and as quietly as he could, gathered his things. With one last glance to make sure she was still resting peacefully, he silently let himself out.

* * *

TBC


End file.
